12 July 2009

Dear Left Side of Business Class

Dear Left Side of Business Class

What a cast of characters you were last night . The flight from Denver started out a little chaotic, late arrival of inbound aircraft meant an oh so rushed boarding, it could have gone ugly very easily.  I feared the worst when we started running out of wine and wine glasses, you Denver lot were oh so very thirsty!! Luckily the humor of my colleague Andrew had everyone eating out if our hands within minutes.

Denver's aircraft food catering , is shall we say, uneven at best. The breads we were given to serve were best described as white, whiter and whitest, which is how Andrew offered them. Boy was the purser confused when he went through with extra bread and passengers asked for whiter or whitest. The cheeses did not match what was listed on the menu, and the beef we quickly renamed Soylent Green (google it).

These challenges aside, the flight was wonderful in no small part due to the cast of characters on the left aisle where I was working. 9A complained that he was forced to eat beef (well I would too but for the Soylent Green reasons), we asked why as it was his first choice for dinner. He replied he expected to have to eat his second choice so had ordered white wine. That logic was so whack it was funny.

12D, how special you were, in a sort of so bad you are good way. Your gold sneakers made you noteworthy right away. Your telling the obviously gay Andrew that the way to get a woman from Kentucky to give you a bl*& job was to dip your appendage in ranch dressing was  odd. But damn did you blush when I came up to you and said I was from Kentucky and heard you loved Kentucky women ( disclaimer, I grew up far away from Kentucky). You nearly wet yourself when I handed you a container of Ranch dressing for your time in London. 

14B you were so very fun. One of our most frequent fliers, you loved my offer of the chance to disarm my door for 20,00 frequent flier miles. Once I explained that 'disarm my door' was not a euphemism, that is. We upped the ante to the chance to ride the crew bus for an additional 10,000 miles plus an orchid letter. It just got worse from there.

14D, our dear upgraded soldier , how we loved you. You tried to come out of the toilet as the cart was passing, which resulted in a Laugh In style door open/door closed joke delivery. Andrew knocked on the door and tried to serve you in the lav. You almost fell for it. I loved your explanation that the military only needed soldiers to be 10% smarter than their machinery or equipment. This was before you could not figure out how to turn on the reading light. I do hope the tanks and missiles are easier!!

Dear left side, you made one of my last flights based in London a very fun evening!! 


Anonymous said...

thank you so much, Heather for the good laugh at breakfast time!
nothing better than have co-workers with a good sense of humour,makes EVERYTHING so much easier!

greetings from Austria,


webay said...

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Isabella Snow said...

LMAO that ranch dressing shite made me laugh out loud!

Krista said...

This made me laugh out loud! Glad one of your last London flights was a fun one. I totally want to ask every crew member if they know you, btw. (But I wouldn't.)

Alas, in addition to losing my 1P status, I've now run my mileage balance down to a paltry 20k. So it's off to BA I go. :(