24 February 2008

Even worse than snakes on a plane

In many gates at Heathrow airport there are racks of free magazines for the fliers to read. As the crew gets to the gate before passengers, we descend on the mags like hungry vultures. Usually , as they are free, they are an odd mix of odd titles like Watchmakers Monthly or Beekeepers Journal. Once in a while I find this magazine, I think for men, called the Short List.

Short List is a periodical that is designed for the ADD generation, articles are short and there are many many lists of things. A list in the most recent edition was about animals that ruin flights. At least one of these items will surely create a new phobia in all of us....

1.In 2006, three Qantas flights were aborted at Brisbane Airport due to wasps making homes within the A330 planes.

2.In July 2005, an Air France plane heading to Nigeria unknowingly landed on 50 cows,seven of which were killed.

3.An Indian Airways flight had to circle Gauhati Airport in 2000 while villagers banged drums to scare off an elephant.

4.In october 2006, passengers at Manchester waited 26 hours while staff stripped their plane to find a lost cat.

5.Passengers of a Saudia Airlines flight in december 2006 may have felt a little unsettled when 80 rats escaped from a bag at 25,000 feet.

6.Director of Columbia Zoo Jack Hanna left Ohio's OSU Airport in 2007 via a turnstile while carrying a baby flamingo in a box, but got wedged in the gate.

7.Milan's Linate airport had to close in June 2007 in order to capture wild hares that were affecting radar signals.

8.Last September, a crafty monkey crept into the VIP lounge at New Dehli,forcing the departure lounge to close.

9.Mok, a Thai sniffer dog, was relieved from service last year because he liked to pee on luggage and hump ladies' legs.

10.In 2007 builder David Sullivan felt a dead leg on his flight to Vermont. He had been stung by a scorpion three times.

23 February 2008

Cleanup in aisle 8 please

Lovely, no?? This is an all too typical business class seat area after a trans-Atlantic flight. There are actually FAR worse, this is about average. Would it have killed the seat occupants to perhaps put the used tissues, napkins from their airport meal, plastic wrappers and old newspaper into the large plastic bag they left at their feet?? Do they behave like this at home or in a hotel, just leaving things on the floor?? Am I the only sap that uses the hotel trashcan , or on an aircraft the airsick bag to place rubbish in??

A little tidiness and courtesy to others goes a long way in a shared confined space. I do not care how much you paid for your ticket, your mother does not work here and if she did, she would surely yell at you for this. Oddly enough ( or not) this does not happen when the seats are occupied by Japanese or Scandinavian passengers. Maybe I need to fly there more often....

20 February 2008

Happiness Is.....

box of chocolates, originally uploaded by romanlily.

Passengers bringing your crew 3 boxes of chocolate. Sadness is when it happens on day 1 of a diet.....I had only one then hid myself from them all night!!

12 February 2008

05 February 2008

Please Pass the Syrup

Today is Shrove tuesday, the day that the annual Pancake races are held in London. There are at least 3 pancake races, Near Tower Hill, Guildhall in the Square Mile and the one I attended in Spitalfields. It is held on Dray Lane, off Brick Lane and this year the money collected went towards Londons Air Ambulance.
Teams of 4 in various costumes compete in this light hearted race. Each racer in the relay runs with a frying pan holding a pancake. The pancake must be flipped at certain points along the way. Some runners had better luck than others, with pancakes ending up on the ground.
After all the heats, the finals occurred. The winners were a team called Execution, which was a firm located on the street. Their matching printed shirts were in contrast to the others, some of which were superheroes, the ingredients in a pancake, 'flippers' and tennis players from the 70s complete with John mcEnroe frizzy hair with headbands.
The crowds cheered for everyone and this is definitely a great way to spend a lunch hour( if you are bored on Shrove Tuesday that is). If interested in running, the event is organized by alternative arts. I am trying to think of 3 people I can con into this, and appropriate costumes as I write...

03 February 2008

You Can Leave Your Pants On

Just when I think that Perhaps I am a magnet for weird passenger 'events' like the pant flusher or the slapping Slav, I hear stories that make me realize I am not alone. Our cockpit crew on this flight was unusually fun and cool, so one of the girls left her bra in the pilot break area as a joke for the captain to find when he went on break. He popped his head out of the break area a minute later, red faced and laughing. We laughed about this on the crew bus, and asked him if he found the panties that went with them.

This prompted the first officer to tell a story about an air marshall trapped next to a woman in economy who could not keep her clothes on. She was seated in economy and her boyfriend in business class. The poor air marshall was trapped next to this homely woman. Midflight, apropos of nothing she lifted up her skirt and removed her panties. She rang her call button and asked a crew member to bring them to her boyfriend in seat 9D. Apparently the crew member got a linen of some sort to put the panties in and dropped the whole package on the mans lap and walked away. What you want to do to spice up your love life, none of us care but do not ask us to handle your unmentionables!

Lest the story end there, after becoming panty free the woman got rather bored ( perhaps she expected her boyfriend to whick her off to the nearest lav, who knows?) and began to hit on the air marshall. Were she not so ugly it might have been amusing but I imagine that made for one damn long flight for him.