17 May 2008

A Bowl Full of Crazy

I just landed this morning in London, back from my family obligation tour 2008. The most memorable part of the three week holiday was sitting behind the second craziest individual I have encountered on a plane. Well, maybe the third, the girl that literally thought she was a rabbit mid flight was far crazier but in a gentler way. (Clearly a blog entry about the really crazy passengers needs to be forthcoming)!

I was lucky enough to score a seat in First Class for my flight home, with a fabulous crew working the flight. I get on the plane and a loud woman is in my assigned seat. As she seems settled in, I agree to take her assigned seat to minimize hassle. This woman was really really loud on her mobile phone during boarding, and seemed really young and scruffy to sit in First class. Clearly she had family money as neither her looks pr personality had earned her the income to pay that much for a ticket, and she was too shabbily dressed to be a non- rev( airline employee).

I happily settled into (her) my new seat, which was actually better than the original one , but tragically behind Miss One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. The crew should have known something was up when she said she wanted vodka for dinner. The next hint that the elevator did not go up to the top would have been RIGHT after takeoff when she started dancing in front of her seat, the kind of dancing you can only see Jay Kay doing in a Jamiroquai video circa 1998, or at a rave after ingesting large amounts of party drugs.

She drank a few drinks before dinner, then started calling the steward a fucking poof. Nice. She was also shrieking at the female crew member, calling her Mrs. She couldn't figure out how to get out of her seat without throwing all of her linens and plates on the floor, not could she figure out where the toilet was, ever. When she was cut off ( discretely, only my Bionic Woman hearing overheard this) the hell began.

Talking to herself about the crew in language that would make a sailor blush, throwing things, and intermittent dancing ensued,. When she was given her meal she tossed it into the galley as she could not wash it down with vodka. Mid flight she put her jacket on and seriously expected to be let off. I am sure were we on a 727 with air stairs they would have lowered them a la D.B. Cooper and let her off.

Finally she passed out in exhaustion, the crew were all honestly afraid to see what would happen when she woke up. Luckily not too much, other than bitching that she lost her iPod ( karma!) and snapped at the crew when they suggested she turn on her light to look for it.

We got an encore of her dancing stylings while we waited for a gate. While we waited at baggage claim,one of the other passengers witness to her antics asked me if she was a celebrity, but he thought not as she had a face like a smacked ass ( I love those British sayings!). We decided we got a little dinner theatre with the price of our tickets!


DUNCAN said...

I thought the crazies only flew my airline!

Blondie said...

Nice "welcome back to work", huh?

zoe krylova said...

hi there! i tagged you for a meme, listing six of your quirks. play only if you feel like it! here is my post on it: i tagged you. in this one you list six of your quirks. read about it here: